Editor's Note: The following letter was sent to the Bar News by a member of Lawyers Concerned for Lawyers, a self-help group for lawyers recovering from substance addiction. See below for more information on resources for Bar members with addiction or other personal issues.

When was it that I first became an alcoholic? The first blackout in college? The day I first realized I could not stop? My first AA meeting? I think it was the day I was born into a family of aggressive, intelligent and outwardly successful alcoholics. Some of my family would die before I realized that death would come for me soon if I did not get help.

I do not feel that being a lawyer either helped or hindered my alcoholism. I am sure, however, that it delayed my acceptance of it. I was trained to debate choices. I was skilled at coming up with rationalizations for my increasingly irrational behavior. The internal arguments became more heated and I became more isolated and withdrawn. It was nearly 10 years ago that I ran out of options and went to an AA meeting.

I entered that first AA meeting sick, angry and frightened. I left feeling puzzled. The people I met there were relaxed and funny. "You could not possibly have been through what I have," I said. "Listen-and keep coming," they said.

Two years of listening later, I had changed. No longer frightened and alone, I could recognize trouble and know what to do when I saw it. My problems have not gone away (they are actually much worse), but I am dealing with them as best I can and am living a happy life.

I attended my first Lawyers Concerned for Lawyers meeting after I had been gong to AA meetings for about two years. LCL has greatly enhanced my AA journey and recovery. LCL members are uniquely qualified to understand the problems of another lawyer with addiction issues. We help each other in a way no non-lawyer can. I have seen courage, compassion, and kindness in LCL that rivals any I have seen before in my lifetime.

LCL in New Hampshire deserves the support of the Bar membership. I encourage any members who think they might need to try a meeting to come to one. They have nothing to lose except their suffering. Perhaps they might learn the lesson I did. For this lawyer/alcoholic, there is great power in the admission of weakness.

New Hampshire Lawyers Concerned for Lawyers (LCL) meets on the first Tuesday of each month at 6:15 p.m. at the Manchester Country Club (except in July, August and January). No reservations are required and all Bar members are welcome. For additional information about LCL, call John at (603) 436-8035. Another resource for Bar members struggling with personal problems is the NHBA's Lawyers Assistance Committee (LAC). Members of LAC are exempted from the Supreme Court's reporting requirements and can provide confidential assistance and advice. Attorneys seeking confidential, professional assistance may contact the LAC's HELPLINE, 24 hours a day, at (603) 224-6060. (Calls are initially answered by a mental health professional who, after an initial assessment, refers the caller to a member of the LAC).

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